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The Best Cool Jokes Ever

Posted by dasfseegdse Sabtu, 07 September 2013 0 komentar

  • There was this little girl who said to her teacher, "Miss, I wish I'd been alive 2,000 years ago."

         Her teacher asked, "Really Rosy? Why's that?"
      The girl replied, "There would have been so much less history to learn."

  • A college boy said to his mother, "I have decided to take to politics after my studies and to clean up the mess in the world."

         His mother reacted to his proposition and said, "That's very nice. You can go upstairs and start with your room."

  • Husband: "That damned wife of mine is a liar!"
    Friend: "How do you know?"
    Husband: "Because she said she spent the night with Leena."
    Friend: "So?"
    Husband: "But I spent the night with Leena!"

  • John got a call at the office from his wife. "Tell me my dear," she asked, "Wednesday is our fifteenth wedding anniversary..

         "What special present do you want from your loving wife?"
         John replied, "You mean I can ask for anything?"
         "You can ask for anything."

         John asked, "How about 5 minutes of silence."

  • "There's mutual feeling between my wife and me."

         "That's nice."
         "No, it's not."
         He replied, "We hate each other."

  • Father: "I see you got a 'D' for conduct but an 'A' for courtesy. How is that possible?"

    Son: "Whenever I kick someone, I apologise."

  • A small girl was told she needed an X-ray. When she came out of the X-ray room, she told her mother, "They took a picture of my bones."

         "Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Did everything go alright?"

         The small replied, "Sure." "It was amazing. I didn't even have to take my skin off."

  • In a party a woman was requested by the organisers to sing. After she sang, she proudly announced that she had spent $25,000 to learn music.

         "I want you to meet my brother," interjected a guest.
         "Is he a critic or an agent?" asked the singer.

         The man replied "Neither," "He is a lawyer. He'll get your money back."

  • A woman was noted for her bargaining skills particularly with vegetable vendors. She would never buy anything without reducing the quoted price.

         One day she asked her son studying in the second standard, "How much is 2 x 2=?"

         The boy replied, "Six."
       "Son, you ought to learn your tables better. The answer is four."

        The boy said triumphantly, "I know it is 4. But if I say six you will bring it down to four."

  • Mom: "You have been fighting again and lost two of your front teeth."
    Son: "No, I have not lost them."

         "What do you mean? Two of your front teeth are missing."

         The boy unhesitatingly proved his point that he had not lost his teeth.

         The boy replied, "The teeth are not missing. I have got them in my pocket."

  • A famous boxer had to use the washroom attached to the waiting room at the railway station and fearing his overcoat might be stolen, he attached a ticket to it before hanging it on a peg in the waiting room.

         The ticket read: "Owned by a famous Boxer who will be back in 5 minutes."

         When he returned for his overcoat a little later, all he found was a ticket which read...
         "Taken by a Champion Sprinter, who won't return."

  • The salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "The customer is going to return here pretty mad," he predicted to his boss.

         "Shall I give him his money back?"
         The boss shouted at him and said "Money back?" roared the boss.

         "What kind of salesman are you? Go out there and sell him a motor boat."

  • In a co-education college a boy and a girl fell in love and decided to marry. The boy was doing his doctoral research and the girl her masters degree.

         One day the boy spiritedly told his girl..."Darling when I complete my degree, will you call me Doctor?"

         The replied promptly "Of course. But when I finish my degree, you must call me 'Master'."



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Funny Lengthy Jokes

Posted by dasfseegdse Rabu, 15 Agustus 2012 0 komentar
"I guess I just woke up this morning and decided..
I didn't want to be chicken anymore"


1. A bulky boy went to a mango grove with his friends to steal mangoes, because they were convinced that stolen mangoes taste better. All of a sudden, the watchman came out of blue chasing the boys with a rod. Everybody ran helter skelter except our hero as he could not run carrying his own weight. Result: He was caught.
The watchman asked the boy to take him to his father. The boy was trembling and said "No". The watchman asked him to take him to his house but the boy again refused. Then finally, the watchman asked him to show his father atleast from a distance. The boy agreed and showed his father who was plucking mangoes on the next tree.



2. I joined a new office. The Branch Manager told a few boring jokes but to my surprise, all my colleagues laughed.
After coming out of the cabin, I pulled out my colleague and asked him as to why they were laughing for useless jokes. He replied, "if you don't laugh, he will think that we have not understood the joke and repeat the same joke again and again!"
3. A fat Officer went to a consultancy for reducing his weight. He was asked to go to a room with an advice that if he could chase a young beautiful girl and touch her, he could marry her.
Everyday, he tried to chase and touch her. After 30 days, he reduced his weight considerably. On 31st day, he came with a determination to catch hold of her.
But to his surprise, he was asked to go to another room. This time,

they said that another fat lady would chase him and if she touches
him, she will marry him. This time, he had to run all the more...
4. My uncle was celebrating his 60th day celebration. Due to emotional prayers of the gathering, an angel appeared and granted a wish each to my uncle and aunt.
First, my aunt said that she had not visited any foreign country and hence, she wanted tickets to tour through out the world. The angel waved her kerchief and immediately my aunt's hands were filled with airline tickets.
Then my uncle said "My wife should become 30 years younger to me..."

The angel waved her kerchief on my uncle and immediately, he became 90 years old.
5. A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball

from a nearby drawer, "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
6. A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter Unclad on the bed with a Romance-Machine. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter Unclad on a sofa with her Romance-Machine. "What are doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room she found her husband watching television with the Romance-Machine buzzing away beside him. "What are doing?" she asked. He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."
7. A woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her Husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. She finally died after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

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